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The Best Ever Book of Portuguese Jokes: Lots and Lots of Jokes Specially Repurposed for You-Know-Who

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An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, an American, an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Kenyan, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, a Moroccan, an Israeli, a Palestinian, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahamian, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Manxman, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian and a Norwegian walk into a fine restaurant. Don’t go around Portugal being fresh or implying sexual innuendos to people, especially women who you don’t know, as the Portuguese frown on this behaviour. Portuguese humor, like its rich culture, is filled with charm and wit. These jokes are just a glimpse into the fun-loving spirit of Portugal. We hope they brought a smile to your face and a laugh to your heart.

While the origin of this phrase is controversial, some folks argue it references the very real physical pain you’ll feel on your elbows after a night spent drowning your sorrows at the bar. 17. Botar a boca no trombone Only Macau remained part of the country (with Goa, Daman and Diu already being taken over by India before the Revolution) due to an agreement with China to slowly transfer the city to their rule, which happened in 1999. Sixteen-year-old Sofia (left) and 13-year-old André Oliveira stand in Parque da Paz in Lisbon. The siblings are two of six young people in Portugal who are suing the governments of Europe's most polluting countries, including their own, to force them to cut emissions. Herr Doktor, Herr Doktor, ich hab jeden Morgen um 7 Uhr Stuhlgang!”–“Ja, das ist doch sehr gut!”–“Aber ich steh erst um halb acht auf!” 8. Nothing like a little divorce humor

14. Water in the beard

When someone is acting silly or just plain stupid, you can say they’re “trippin'”. In Portuguese, you can use the verb viajar in the exact same way, but the whole expression sounds funnier: viajar na maionese literally means “to trip on mayo”. 8. Enfiar o pé na jaca If you are told to go comb monkeys or to go bother Camões, you are being politely asked to go and bother someone else and leave the person speaking to you alone! In case you don’t know, Camões was a very well-known Portuguese poetry writer from the 16 thcentury that wrote the Portuguese famous book called “Os Lusíadas”, which tells the story of Portugal. The Empire started to decline, however, when the Dutch, English, and French got in the colonial and trading game. They started to surround or conquer the scattered Portuguese trading posts and territories, diminishing their power. It is usually said that the Portuguese were great at finding things, but awful at keeping them.

This made the Portuguese economy grow a lot, with the overseas commercial network and colonial trade accounting for about 1/5 of the Portuguese national income. Decline The British Ultimatum, in 1890, when the British threatened Portugal with war over their ambitions regarding the territories between Angola and Mozambique, and the Monarchy ceding to the pressure was one of the biggest reasons for the overthrowing of the King and the creation of the First Republic in 1910. When the Portuguese language was born a few centuries later, it ended up adopting weird Christianized names for all weekdays throughout the year. Still more confusing is the fact that in modern Portuguese feira means “fair” (as in “trade fair”) instead of “day off”. 10. Quebra-molas

Ski and Snow

Why did the Portuguese soccer player bring string to the game? In case they needed to tie the score! Portuguese jokes are a great way to have some fun and learn about the Portuguese culture. Here are some of our favorites: This is a great expression because it sheds a light on the sense of sarcasm of Portuguese speakers. It was originally used to describe a set of unenforced laws that officially banned the slave trade across the Portuguese Empire in the early 19th century.

In 6th-century Portugal, Saint Martin of Braga argued against this “heresy” and suggested that the days of the Holy Week preceding Easter (which were traditionally devoted to resting) should be renamed to honor the Christian God. I guess the idea here is that you laugh so hard that your body can’t physically bear it and sort of bursts open (on one end or the other). 22. Cheio de nove horasAn old Portuguese lady kept repeating, “I’m so thirsty! I’m so thirsty! Oh, how thirsty I am.” A passerby saw her and gave her a bottle of water, which she gulped down. Instead of thanking him, she simply changed her refrain: “I was so thirsty! I was so thirsty! Oh, how thirsty I was.”

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